Top 15 Worst Hit Songs of 2014

Disclaimer: This blog is closed. Opinions on certain subjects stated in this post have changed since it was posted.

With 2014 ending, critics (and complete nobodies on the internet, like me) are putting out their year-end lists for the best and worst songs, albums and artists of the year. I'm only going to be focusing on songs, with a retrospective coming later. The rules for my lists are that if they hit the top 40 in the US or in Canada, they count.



 With that, let's start off with some dishonourable mentions.

"Hot Nigga" by Bobby Shmurda
(US Peak: #6/CAN Peak: #34)

Songs being used on vine lead to the popularity of a number of songs. Unfortunately, while songs like "Turn Down For What" were enjoyable, these songs were mostly crap. That includes this song, which lists numerous rap cliches, over a grating, screechy synth tone. The song doesn't even have a hook, making it even less memorable. I'm having a hard time remembering much about it as I write this. Aside from the screechy synths, the beat is decent, saving this song from the list.

"2 On" by Tinashe ft. Schoolboy Q
(US Peak: #24/CAN Peak: #74)

DJ Mustard makes his first, and certainly not his last, appearance on this list. This song's lyrics about partying match terribly with the dark atmosphere of the production. Most people who I've seen defend this song like it for its dark atmosphere, but I personally found it too bland to grip me at all, much less have a good time. Also, Schoolboy Q's explicit verse is made even worse by how badly it clashes with the atmosphere. 

"Bottoms Up" by Brantley Gilbert
(US Peak: #20/CAN Peak: #41)

Like "2 On" above, this song's instrumentation is so dreary, that it does nothing to match the lyrics about partying. Along with the weak vocal delivery, that lacks any presence, it makes the song just sound depressing. What's also depressing is how the lyrics are cliche and derivative at best, and utterly stupid at worst. This song has nothing redeeming it, and simply avoided the list because I just hated those songs more.

"Wiggle" by Jason Derulo ft. Snoop Dogg
(US Peak: #5/CAN Peak: #14)

Every year, there is at least one hit song that almost everyone agrees is awful, and this was one of them. The song begins with Derulo's first impression with the girl being him telling her to "wiggle" her "big fat butt." That's not even the worst part of the lyrics, as Snoop Dogg drops a disgustingly vivid verse, and Derulo tells the girl he can "change her life" if she's tired of working from 9 to 5. The production is terrible, with the hook being based around a recorder being played poorly, and the beat having zero presence during the verses. What saved it from the list was the it was hilariously awful, along with at least having some unique flavour, compared to similarly bad songs, which we'll get to.

"Bang Bang" by Ariana Grande, Jessie J & Nicki Minaj
(US Peak: #3/CAN Peak: #3)

I like the three artists involved, despite Jessie J and Nicki Minaj's uneven output, and Ariana Grande's other songs have all been ones I've enjoyed. Unfortunately, this song just gets worse and worse with every listen. Percussion being emphasized over melody has been a problem in music, and this was the absolute nadir, with the clattering percussion, mixed with the loud vocals, giving me a migraine. Not helping matters is the constant injection of a blaring chord at the beginning of each line. Some of the harmonies and Nicki Minaj's verse are decent, and save the song from the list Not by much, though.

"Studio" by Schoolboy Q ft. BJ The Chicago Kid
(US Peak: #38/CAN Peak: N/A)

Speaking of bad songs by artists I usually like, we get this lazy mess. The hook is decent, along with the production and backing vocals, but Schoolboy Q's performance here is just completely unimpressive, repeating lines to fill up space while barely rhyming anything or saying anything interesting. The song also drags on and gets boring, and when Q delivers his lines with more energy, it sounds too aggressive for the atmosphere. One of the weaker songs from both artists.

"Loyal (West Coast Version)" by Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne & Too $hort
(US Peak: #9/CAN Peak: #90)

Chris Brown continues to be an unlikable asshole, on this song where he steals another person's girl, and then shames the girl for not being "loyal." The lyrics are inconsistent in other areas as well, with him saying he could make a broke "bitch" rich, but that he doesn't, and then mentions how stole a broke man's girlfriend. Too $hort's version is easily the worst, with his verse being more obnoxious than French Montana's and Tyga's verses combined. Saving the song is a decent verse from Lil Wayne, along with an actually fun minimalist beat. The latter point, however, is handicapped by Chris Brown's bland delivery. Also, this has nothing to do with the song, but that has got to be one of the worst single covers I have ever seen.

"My Nigga" by YG ft. Rich Homie Quan & Jeezy  
(US Peak: #19/CAN Peak: #62)

Dear, rappers. Please refrain from constantly rhyming the n-word with the n-word. Hell, just stop the double rhymes altogether, okay? Seriously, this song is just repetitive, with another lazy DJ Mustard beat. Jeezy's verse, along with a few other decent lines salvage this song slightly, but not by much. And we'll get to YG later.

"Don't Tell 'Em" by Jeremih ft. YG
(US Peak: #6/CAN Peak: #30)

Sooner than I expected. Just what we needed; yet another song about stealing someone else's girlfriend. Bonus points for pairing yet another lazy DJ Mustard production with another repetitive hook. With all these problems, I would have considered this song simply slightly below average, but then YG comes in with one of the douchiest verses of the year, capped off with a blatant double rhyme, only done for a terrible punchline. What saves this song from the list is that DJ Mustard has an ear for a decent synth tone, and this tone actually works well with the minimalist melody.

"Tuesday" by iLoveMakonnen ft. Drake
(US Peak: #12/CAN Peak: #65)

Another lifeless club song? Seriously? Nothing interesting about this song what so ever, besides the fact that this is happening on a Tuesday. How inventive. Also, what the hell are these guys doing with their voices? Before we move on, I would like to state, for the record, that this guy's real first name is Makonnen... just let that sink in. I guess Kendrick Lamar isn't the only one who loves himself. Too bad this song's quality wasn't as good.

"Drunk In Love" by Beyonce ft. Jay-Z
(US Peak: #2/CAN Peak: #23)

When Beyonce released a surprise, self-titled album, I had some high hopes, as her last album, "4", was great. There were some decent tracks on the self-titled album, but this song was just awful. Beyonce's slurred delivery grated on my ears, as did the synths, that were dizzying in a bad way, and then there's the lyrics. Ignoring how unsexy this song is, Jay-Z started off his verse name dropping his cologne line for a crappy, out of place pun (and free advertisement), along with referencing Ike Turner. Charming. This song feels more like a hangover than any sort of good time. Also, I just found out Beyonce says "surfbort" and not "surfboard". Yeah, screw this song. On to the actual list.

15. I don't hate Trey Songz. He has released bad songs, but he has still released a number of good songs. I also respect him as a talented vocalist. This song, however, just sucks. 

#15- "Na Na" by Trey Songz

(US Peak: #21/CAN Peak: #94)

DJ Mustard strikes again, with yet another bland beat, and gang vocals that completely derail the mood of this song. What's worse, Trey Songz' performance on this song is just weak. At points it sounds more like he is talking than singing, which wouldn't have been too much of a problem, had it not been for how there really isn't anything else carrying this song. The aforementioned gang vocals have enough of a presence to disrupt the song's atmosphere and feeling, but not enough to lend it any heft. But what really turned this song to crap was the line "Girl I know you're ready, I ain't even gotta check." Seriously, dude, you should probably check, especially when you're making the case that you're better than other men this woman has dated in the past, as that just completely sinks an already underwhelming song, and makes the whole thing just creepy.

14. I don't hate Pitbull either. I'm not a fan of him, but he has released a number of fun songs, as he tries to carry them with a lot of energy. That, and "Fireball", is awesome. Considering this song is on the list, I don't even have to tell you it isn't awesome. At all!

#14- "Wild Wild Love" by Pitbull ft. G.R.L.

(US Peak: #30/CAN Peak: #22)

Make no mistake, the hook sounds great, and actually has some interesting poetry to it. Poetry that is quickly undercut by Pitbull's verse, which can't even bother to rhyme his words. His delivery and lyrics border on disgusting, and I legitimately felt my skin crawl as he delivered the line "you need it you want it, all over your body." I've heard far more explicit lyrics before, but Pitbull doesn't even get the atmosphere or delivery right, because as soon as his verse starts, the beat devolves into a grating mass of terrible synths, which reminds me way too much of "Teach Me How To Scream" by Brokencyde (By way too much, I mean reminding me of that song at all). Had the production and performances remained consistent, this song could have been great, but as it is, it is just intolerable. 

13. I don't hate... okay this is getting repetitive. Miley Cyrus is an artist I believe has potential, with songs like "Wrecking Ball" and "FU", but she still releases a lot of crap. This song isn't bad in her usual way, but it is still terrible.

#13- "Adore You" by Miley Cyrus

(US Peak: #21/CAN Peak: #36)

I almost cannot believe this was a professional recording, with how sloppy and amateur everything about this song sounds. The mixing makes everything sound weak. I can barely hear any other instruments aside from the drums during the verses, and even they don't have enough heft to carry this song. When additional instruments, such as the strings, come in during the hook, it clashes terribly with the awful vocal effects, which were grating enough on their own. The lyrics, though, have got to be the most amateur part of it, with lines being repeated and having little added to each thought, and feeling trite at best. At points it just sounds like something a middle-schooler would write. Seriously, this was a single, and not "FU"? Come on!

12. Here's a song you probably expected higher. Dear, Vine, with great power comes great responsibility.

#12- "Lifestyle" by Rich Gang ft. Rich Homie Quan & Young Thug

(US Peak: #16/CAN Peak: N/A)

Seriously, I know this song is just hilarious (boy, is it), but this atrocity hit the top 20. With the weak beat, and atrocious delivery from all involved, drenched in terrible auto-tune. I'll admit there are a few positives that leave this song lower on the list. There are actual references to the rappers' roots, talking about how they have family to take care of, which at least lends some context to how they worked hard for this lifestyle. And there is some actually decent wordplay that crops up throughout the song. Even this isn't a complete positive, though, as there are a number of awful lyrics in this song. Apparently, there is something wrong with some girl's vagina because she (and forty other women) can't get Young Thug hard. He also references pissing on them. Well, I guess Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" was influential to someone's lyrics, but not in a good way. This song's success shows how memes can negatively affect the charts, and with "CoCo", that is not changing anytime soon. Also, why is this a Rich Gang song when Birdman just has a short outro?

11. Well, here's yet another song that was probably expected to be higher.

#11- "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj

(US Peak: #2/CAN Peak: #3)

In terms of how lazy production can be, this song takes the cake, and swallows it whole. Almost the entire beat, outside of a few annoying sound effects that do nothing but clutter the mix, is sampled from "Baby Got Back", a far superior song. "Anaconda" uses the bassline decently to build intensity, but it builds to this incredibly irritating hook which just repeats one line from "Baby Got Back" as a chipmunk voice. Lovely. The verses are not much better. They tell the stories decently, but the stories are of how she had sex with drug dealers and has them buy things for her, so that's hard to stand by. What's worse, her voice is more annoying than ever. Hell, that's a good word to describe this entire atrocity; annoying. Annoying music, annoying lyrics, annoying voice, annoying outro... oh god, the outro! There, it the whole thing devolves into a rambled mess, where she shames "skinny bitches" (despite also being skinny...). Even if you don't buy that Meghan Trainor was joking about that, at least she tried to make it so that that wasn't what she was saying. This song is bad on every level, having several problems. But not the most problems on this list.

10. Katy Perry's singles this year have not been doing very well, at least compared to the "Teenage Dream" singles. That's probably because the quality of these songs has taken a goddamn nosedive. This was her only smash-hit this year, and it is a disaster. 

#10- "Dark Horse" by Katy Perry ft. Juicy J

(US Peak: #1/CAN Peak: #1)

If this list was based solely on how many problems a song had, and how much it failed, this could have easily been #1. I honestly don't even know where to begin. The grating synth riff? The weak melody? The anti-climax from the build-up during the hook (which sounds like a pre-hook for a hook that doesn't exist). How poorly the vocal and beat mix? The obnoxious pitch-shifted voice? I could go on and on about the production, but the lyrics is where the song truly becomes a disaster.

Katy Perry tried to frame herself as a dark horse, but this concept does not work at all. She basically says she is coming at this guy like an underdog who is not expected to succeed (to put into context the sloppiness of the line "coming at you like a dark horse"), and that is not exactly the image I get from Katy Perry, even just with the context of this song. She is saying telling this man she's talking to that she will not be taken lightly, but that, along with other lyrics asserting power, also derail the term "dark horse" being used for Katy Perry. This is just one example of using such imagery and expression badly, with lines telling this man to "make (her his) Aphrodite," when Aphrodite is not loyal, if you get what I'm saying. And I could go on and on about the rest of the awful lyrics, in Juicy J's verse alone, even, and how Katy Perry's delivery doesn't back up her assertive lyrics at all.

I may even have to re-visit this song in the future, because this was just a "perfect storm" of confused, muddled, unfinished ideas, which keeeps getting worse with each listen. But this wasn't Katy Perry's worst song this year; we'll get to that.

9. Again, sooner than I expected, I really gotta start re-reading my lists before writing these on here.

#9- "This Is How We Do" by Katy Perry

(US Peak: #24/CAN Peak: #7)

As much as I disliked "Dark Horse", at least I can respect that there was some effort put into it, even if that ambition blew up in the faces of everyone who worked on it. This song is a grating, lazy mess, pandering to the absolute lowest common denominator. While you could argue that about other Katy Perry songs, at least some of those were actually fun. Katy Perry sounds so bored on this track, as she drones on and on, spouting these awful lyrics. No one could be bothered to make the synth less grating, or write a decent melody, or have Katy Perry redo some of these recordings, or, at the very least, fix the parts where the lyrics didn't even remotely fit the song's meter? Seriously, were there any edits done to these lyrics? And then there are the shout outs to the irresponsible people who leave their cars in the valet, and buy drinks with their rent money. I (tentatively) doubt anyone would be moronic enough to live by this blatant pandering to the lowest common denominator, especially with the rest of these terrible lyrics (nails did all Japanese-y? Seriously, guys?), but I wouldn't be surprised if they were. Seriously, fuck this song!

8. And #7 as well, because we have yet another double entry, and these two songs are terrible in the exact same way, saving me time. Thanks, Rae Sremmurd.

#8- "No Type" by Rae Sremmurd

(US Peak: #16/CAN Peak: N/A)

#7- "No Flex Zone" by Rae Sremmurd 

(US Peak: #36/CAN Peak: N/A)

When did Mike WiLL Made-It begin taking ideas from DJ Mustard. Seriously, this is Mike WiLL's laziest production to date. He was never a great producer, but this is just pathetic. Not helping matters is that both songs are uninteresting, unlikable brag rap tracks. Neither song tries for coherent theme, either. "No Type" states that they have no type, but that they only like bad bitches (they also tell the listener that they have no life. Great). "No Flex Zone" has the hook about not bragging, and then they spend the rest of the song bragging. But what truly drags the song down here are their voices. Seriously, these two have two of the most grating voices I've heard in hip hop, and that is quite an accomplishment in a world where we have Young Thug. 

6. Florida Georgia Line are a band who receive a lot of hate, and I understand why, thanks to their dumb bro-country songs. I don't hate them, though. Songs like "Cruise" and "Sun Daze" are good, dumb fun, and "Dirt" was an actually well written, well performed song. But for the love of god, between this and "Cruise (Remix)", they need to stop making remixes. Now!

#6- "This Is How We Roll (Remix)" by Florida Georgia Line ft. Jason Derulo

(US Peak: #15/CAN Peak: #20)

The original "This Is How We Roll" was already terrible, but I wasn't even prepared for this. Only "good" thing I can say about this is that it gets rid of the rap verse. Yes, the fact that something is not there is the only positive this song has. And that's barely a positive, considering it is replaced with Jason Derulo's most grating performance to date, spouting these jaw-droppingly asinine lyrics, which I honestly feel made me dumber. What's worse, he replaced Luke Bryan! Why the fuck would you replace a singer with as good a voice as Luke Bryan with Jason freaking Derulo!? I'm guessing hearing his verse really did make them dumber, and they made that decision after hearing it. They probably also decided to suppress the admittedly decent melody of the original even more, make the drum machines sound even stiffer, and just made the whole thing sound even more processed and ugly. Nice work, guys. 

Honestly, I was one of the few people who had some hopes for Jason Derulo, after listening to his full album, "Tattoos", as it showcased him trying to have some unique flavour, and even had some decent lyrics on some songs. But between this, "Wiggle", and his newest atrocity, "Bubblegum", all of that has gone down the drain in record time. 

5. Big Sean had been underwhelming me before, but this was a whole new low.

#5- "I Don't Fuck With You" by Big Sean ft. E-40

(US Peak: #12/CAN Peak: N/A)

This is one of the most pathetically awful songs I have ever heard. This sounds like something Big Sean wrote when he was seven. He calls his ex a "stupid-ass bitch" and saying how he doesn't fuck with her, all in this whiny tone, that fits with the lyrics perfectly. Also, hello DJ Mustard! I have to give Mustard some credit here, though, with the sample of a baby crying, because that is exactly what Big Sean's lyrics and tone remind me of, and I guess he thought the same thing. Big Sean lists the awful thing the girl did to justify this atrocity, such as posting pictures of her and her new boyfriend. I almost feel like I'm making this up. And going back the thought of him writing this when he was seven, the awkward wording of lines like "I got a million trillion things I'd rather fuckin' do, than to be fuckin' with you" seems to back that up. 

This could have been enough to make this song the worst of the year, until E-40 comes in. His verse actually has some decent wordplay, stronger delivery, with a more assertive voice to back up his lines, and isn't so insufferable, like Big Sean's verses. No where near enough to save this song from the list, but single-handedly enough to keep it from the #1 spot. 

4. I did not expect to find a "country" song worse than "This Is How We Roll (Remix)". Unfortunately, this, along with "Hope You Get Lonely Tonight" by Cole Swindell (didn't chart high enough for the list) proved me wrong.

#4- "Ready Set Roll" by Chase Rice 

(US Peak: #54/CAN Peak: #40)

This song really has very little to talk about. The production is an overproduced mass of synths and auto-tune that sound terrible mixed with the guitars, which don't have any presence anyway. Seriously, this song just sounds atrocious. Speaking of which, I found an interview with this guy, where the interviewer jokes about how he doesn't go to the club with him, because he would attract all the ladies when he would play this song. At least I hope he was joking. Yeah, I'm sure the ladies just swoon over the poetic depth of lines like "get your little fine ass on the step, shimmy up inside". If that isn't enough, they will surely fall for the cliches throughout the entire song. And there really is not much else to the song. It just sucks.

3. You know, I actually had some hopes for Ty Dolla $ign coming off his performance on YG's otherwise godawful song "Toot It And Boot It" (which apparently even YG dislikes). I though his beat-work was decent, and that his hook had a lot of energy, in spite of the terrible lyrics. He was also a multi-instrumentalist, which was promising. This, along with "Or Nah", put a halt to that hope.

#3- "Paranoid" by Ty Dolla $ign ft. B.o.B

(US Peak: #29/CAN Peak: N/A)

Here's an idea; take a multi-instrumentalist, and have DJ fuckin' Mustard produce it. Seriously, why is DJ Mustard popular? Some of his beats are so simple that I could produce them. Hell, pretty much anyone could replicate his simple beats. What's worse is that you could switch the beats to many of his songs, and it would not sound too much different. That's the least of this song's problems, though. Ty is apparently with two women at the same time, and they just found this out, cause he was stupid enough to buy them the same exact things. This subject gets derailed as he and B.o.B (who is so much better than this, I didn't even have to mention it in my introduction to this entry) brag about how their "bitches" are so much hotter than ours (no, seriously. He refers to the person he's talking to as "you", and doesn't specify who, so natural instinct says it is towards the audience). So if already weren't sympathizing with their situation, which would be natural, this cements that. What's worse, he constantly refers to them as his bitches, but says he never made them his actual ''misses,'' as if to justify it. Considering his attitude in this song, I don't blame his ''bitches'' for wanting to set him up. 

This song wasn't as disgusting as "Or Nah", but it came close. Fortunately, Ty Dolla $ign would recover with ''Shell Shocked'' and a decent hook on Wiz Khalifa's ''You And Your Friends'', while B.o.B would recover as a featured artist on Classified's ''Higher'', but this song is still terrible.

2. I forgot this song even existed until recently, and I wish it stayed that way. If "Anaconda", "Lifestyle" and "No Flex Zone" weren't annoying enough for you, we got this song.

#2- "Hangover" by PSY ft. Snoop Dogg

(US Peak: #26/CAN Peak: N/A)

Here's something I didn't think I needed to say; a song about drinking should not musically make me feel like I'm having a hangover. You'd think that would be a given, but between this and "Drunk In Love", you'd be mistaken. Snoop Dogg is actually tolerable on this song, but everything else is irredeemable. This song comes with one of the most irritating saxophone riffs I've ever heard, and it is completely inexcusable in this year which brought us "Talk Dirty" and "Problem". Hell, even "G.D.F.R." and "Shake It Off" are better than this utter mess. We also get the most repetitive hook of the year, courtesy of a grating robotic voice, reminiscent of Lil Wayne's awful song "A Milli", and somehow doing it even worse. The keyboard melodies are atrocious as well, creating a dizzying effect, and not in a good way. But what really cements the song as deserving this high a spot is that it is five. Minutes. Long! Five Minutes! Seriously, I liked "Gangnam Style", "Gentleman" sucked, but this is beyond awful. 

1. When I first heard this song, I thought it was simply mediocre. But this song immediately got worse and worse with each listen, and thus, here we are, with a last minute entry for worst song of the year.

#1- "Only" by Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne & Chris Brown

(US Peak: #12/CAN Peak: #20)

This song only got attention thanks to the offensive lyric video, and the lyrics talking about Nicki Minaj having sex with Drake, gossip that I thought died years ago. I don't blame the public for that being the reason this song got popular (though I blame them for the fact this trash got popular at all), because this song has absolutely nothing going for it. Let's start with the production, which cements Nicki Minaj as a rapper with some of the laziest production in the industry. Seriously, this pathetic melody would make DJ Mustard cringe at how simple it is, and is about as lazy as "Anaconda". And even that song had some sort of crescendo, as opposed to this song, which just drags on. Chris Brown's hook comes out of no where, and does not feel cohesive musically or lyrically with the rest of the song. 

On that note, let's get to the lyrics. The lyrics are filled to the brim with cheap attempts at publicity with the alleged relationship between Nicki Minaj and Drake/Lil Wayne. It is also full of lines that are just simply terrible. Seriously, between the terrible punchlines ("eat my ass like a cupcake" and "these hoes couldn't test me, even if their names was pop quiz" spring to mind), along with that with that bewilderingly awful duct tape line. Then we get to Drake's verse, who delivers a verse that is even worse, if only for the line "she was sitting down on that big butt, but I was still staring at her titties though." What  made that line even worse was the delivery, which makes me want to walk up to Drake and tell him to grow the fuck up. Lil Wayne sounds half-asleep, as the rest of this entire song does, and he begins with him saying that "I didn't fuck Nicki, that's fucked up, if I did fuck she'd be fucked up", which works as a perfect opener to this sloppy verse. Also, this is unrelated, but Lil Wayne's lip-syncing in the video is almost as bad as the song itself.

This is easily the worst song Nicki, Drake and Lil Wayne have performed, which is quite a feat. I can't say this is the worst Chris Brown song, but it is close. And it is the worst song of 2014. I was hoping this would just disappear, but it has jumped to #12, right outside the top 10. Well, at least there are a number of good songs rising on the charts. 

Fortunately, for my sanity, the following songs didn't chart high enough to make this list, but if they did, they would have easily made it;

"Bubblegum" by Jason Derulo ft. Tyga

"Or Nah" by Ty Dolla $ign ft. Wiz Khalifa & DJ Mustard

"We Dem Boyz" by Wiz Khalifa

"Hope You Get Lonely Tonight" by Cole Swindell

"Hello Kitty" by Avril Lavigne

"I Luh Ya Papi" by Jennifer Lopez ft. French Montana

"Stoner" by Young Thug

"Drop Girl" by Ice Cube ft. Redfoo & 2Chainz

''God Made Girls'' by Raelynn

"She Twerkin'" by Ca$h Out

''Same Love (A Response)'' by Bizzle